15 Tattoos That Will Prevent You From Getting Laid | Sex

October 7, 2009 at 4:16 pm (Uncategorized)

We’ve been a little obsessed with tattoos lately ever since we came across the greatest male nipple tattoo we’ve ever seen and this underarm vagina tattoo. But not every tattoo is cool – some are flat out awful and more importantly, they can prevent you from getting laid. So we decided to compile this list of 15 Tattoos That Will Prevent You From Getting Laid.

15. The “Honesty Is Not Always The Best Policy” Tattoo
While we appreciate the fact that there’s a guy out there that is so comfortable with his miniature junk that he’s willing to advertise it with a tattoo, we’re pretty sure most women won’t appreciate it enough to want to sleep with him.

14. The Skeleton Back Tattoo
The only way you’re getting laid with this tattoo is if you can get a date with Rose McGowan. Why her? Because anybody that would have sex with Marilyn Manson will probably have sex with a dude with this tattoo.

13. The Armpit Vagina Tattoo
The only less appealing to women than a guy with a tattoo featuring a part of the female anatomy on his arm has to be a guy who uses his plentiful armpit hair to represent that part of the female anatomy.

12. The Naked Hot Dog Woman Tattoo
Speaking of the female anatomy, is it any girl’s dream to hook up with a guy who thinks of women as hot dogs? We know there’s a “plumps when you cook ‘em” joke in here somewhere, but we’ll leave it to you to figure that one out.

11. The “No Fat Chicks” Tattoo
The irony of this tattoo is that its existence prevents this guy from hooking up with the only women that would actually consider hooking up with him.

10. The Missing Piggy Tattoo
This guy gets lots of points for creativity, but those points still aren’t going to overcome the fact that he’s missing a toe. This tattoo is a recipe for “friend zone.”

9. The Weird Al Yankovic Tattoo
Weird Al? Seriously? We have no idea where the owner of this tattoo lives, but we guarantee it’s not in Vaginatown.

8. The Family Tattoo
We’re not sure what is going on with this tattoo. We will assume that this is a tattoo of some guy’s wife and kids which would suggest that he’s gotten laid at least twice. However, it also suggests that he will never get laid again – at least not by anybody other than that woman. And should that really count?

7. The Confusing Star Wars Tattoo
We’re not exactly sure what is going on in this tattoo, but we’re pretty sure it doesn’t add up to a lot of sex.

6. The Town Map Tattoo
This is a woman who lives in Hannover and decided to get a tattoo of the map of her hometown as it was in 1896 inked across her back. The reason it will prevent her from getting laid? Because clearly she is insane.

5. The Janet Jackson Virgin Mary Tattoo
Any dude that has a giant tattoo of Janet Jackson on himself would be eligible for this list, but when that tattoo features Ms. Jackson dressed like the Virgin Mary? Well, that’s how you crack the Top 5 of this list.

4. The Unicorn Banging The Dolphin
What is it that makes people decide to take two innocent and beloved creatures like a unicorn and a dolphin and have them banging each other on your flesh? Not getting laid, that’s what.

3. The Patrick Swayze Centaur Tattoo
This is a tattoo of Patrick Swayze from the classic SNL Chippendales sketch as a centaur standing in front of a rainbow. Its ability to help you get laid speaks for itself.

2. The Simpsons’ Comic Book Guy Ass Tattoo
We LOVE this tattoo because we love the geeky Simpsons’ Comic Book Guy character. However, most women do not – and we doubt this guy’s ass is going to win them over.

1. The White Power Rainbow Unicorn Nazi Tattoo
We challenge you to find a tattoo that will turn off more women than this one. It manages to be offensive to gays, unicorns, and Nazis all at the same time.

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